Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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