and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
