My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
