Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
where are you?
Hypothermia
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
