you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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