I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
