I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
