so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
