someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
