I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
smell my finger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
