so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
