some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
