weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The air was thick with penises
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
