absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I accidentally had phone sex last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
