Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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