i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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