Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
