How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
