I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
