how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
