do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
