I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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