Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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