Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
