my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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