I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
