I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
