Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
