Hey man sorry I got all grabby
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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