The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
