apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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