I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
