I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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