Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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