She's JV to your varsity
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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