I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
