pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
