That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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