Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
