sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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