I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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