WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
