I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
