How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
