If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
