Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
