you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
