i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
