see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
tell me about the eggs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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