it hurts more in the daytime
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
