I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
