Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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