she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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