dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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